Back and forth

Yesterday, June 09, 2015, I went to Moscow City for the first time. During my student days there were no such things. I’ve seen these misfit buildings from other places, but yesterday I was there for other purpose and had a close-up view of them. In fact when you look at them from far away, you see a large part of Moscow as well. And then they seem to very unlikely inhabitants of this city like us. But when you are near and nothing of traditional Moscow falls in your sight, they look quite nice. Anyway, this is not about Moscow City. After that I went to Donskaya. There we were planning to remember my teacher and friend Georgi Nikolaevich Shikin who died 40 days ago. It was a get together of close friends of Shikin, most of who in the passage of 24 years become close to me as well.   I could take “n” number of ways – but somehow from Vistavochnaya I went to Tulskaya and then walked along Serpukhovski Boulevard. When I was in first course, we lived in Pavlovskaya and every morning I had to take this road to reach Donskaya. After some six months we moved to Miklukho Maklay Street; and after that only occasionally I went there. Most of those events were accompanied by Ruma and/or Shusmi. Our favorite time was autumn when the yellow leaves cover the Boulevard. Sometimes we sat on the benches (they are still here – no idea old ones or the new – but of same fashion) talking about everything two young hearts could imagine. Time to time I took photos. Days those were! Yesterday I went there accidentally. But while walking on the green alley again and again I was recalling those days. Clearly I could see the picture of Shusmi sitting on one of those benches in light blue dress with a smile on her face. It was long, long ago – as if in other life. She left Moscow one of these days in 1991 – 24 years ago. After that the World has changed, there is no longer Soviet Union, many of us couldn’t catch the dream. In last 24 years I met numerous old friends but never again Shusmi. Thanks to FB I am in constant touch with a lot of our friends, but she somehow remains out of touch – like a picture that was taken many years ago, with the negative lost and the photo itself put behind a very thick glass – that doesn’t allow it get blurred, but at the same time doesn’t allow it to touch. Something like my wife does; hides some important things that should not be lost in any way and then breaks her head remembering where she kept it, especially when she needs it most. But the story is not about that too. Those days like now there were places for kids and young parents with their kids walked there. I guess, during our walks in the alley sometimes I would dream to have kids playing there. But yesterday when I saw others walking with their kids I was never overcome by such a dream. I was rather thinking about some problems on cosmology which I was planning to discuss with Yuri Petrovich. Is it because I am no longer a young man who can start a life anew, or it is just change of priority? Or it is because in early days we can’t see the forest behind the trees? Nevertheless it is nice to come back favorite places, to the places where you learn to love – learn to dream. No matter what has happened to those dreams, but today you are what you are. Going back to those places psychologically you make a journey to the past – you can stand there for a while, think who you were and what has happened to you, to your dream – and what you need to do to achieve your dream. Ultimately, we people love only ourselves and if we love others it is only because we like to love others. At some point problems of cosmology, personal life, past, present, future – everything mix up and an abstract picture popped up at the top of the trees cover with light green leaves. I felt, I was already late and paced up. Across the trees I could see the top of PFU building where I spent the best days of my youth.